David has the demeanor of a beloved teacher who has been down this road before.  You want his opinion and you know he is going to tell it to you straight, even if it is hard to hear.  He has had to be an educator on race many times, and it shows in his calm, patient manner.

Having lived in the Atlanta area since 1982, David, a pseudonym used to allow him to speak more freely, recently retired from a career in a Fortune 500 company, where he also managed diversity and inclusion for several years.  Now 59, he and his wife live in Cobb County. When he grew up north of Macon, Georgia, he was the only black child in his class for several years of elementary school.  

How often do you feel like racial discrimination affects you?  That question comes through a very western, white lens.  The answer for me, and for many folks in my age range, is that I feel that all the time.  It’s a daily ongoing piece.  Dealing with racism, racial discrimination and bias is really like having a chronic pain, if you will.  Some days that pain affects you more, sometimes it affect you less. But it affects you every day. You really try every day to move in ways that won’t cause that pain to flare up that day.  Many people like me spend a lot of time trying to avoid dealing with any overt acts of discrimination, if you can. I can never get away from being black to those observing me, from whatever lens that causes them to look at me through. In some other types of discrimination, for instance if its religious or ethnic discrimination, folks might not know [your background] so they might not kick in those stereotypes.  When you ask questions about how often you deal with this, it implies that it is only a set of acts, things that happen at a particular point in time, versus a more systemic and broad piece that really affects your entire life, how you raise your children, how you prepare to go to meetings, how you carry yourself at work. 

Has law enforcement ever pulled a gun on you?  No.  I have the experiences of driving while black and shopping while black, but most of them have ended without harm to me or any particular negative to me.  But mostly I attribute that to my parents and stressing early on how to act when I’m out and how to carry myself. And most importantly how to deal with a situation when it looks like it could go that direction. Either how to get yourself out of it or how to avoid it in the first place. Or what do you do to not escalate that.

Do you feel you’ve had to separate your personal life from your professional life?  Do your colleagues know what you are going through?  Again, that’s only a question that comes from someone who doesn’t look like me.  For 99.9 percent of black people in my age range, their answer is going to be absolutely that you have had to do that. Whether at work or at school, you are taught to conform and not to bring your whole self, your authentic self. While I have enjoyed a good life and a successful career, very seldom have I felt I could bring my whole self to the work place.  As black folks, we spend our time trying not to step into the stereotypes, whether that’s being angry or uncouth for example. You are always working against that being attached to you, as an individual because it ultimately impacts your ability to have success in that work environment. My colleagues see who I want them to see.

You learn to compartmentalize… the real game was to figure out how successful can I be even in this game where the odds are stacked and not even.

What do you wish white people really understood about your experience as a black person? The experience is real; being treated differently is real; having to deal with societal bias everyday is real for me and for folks who look like me. We carry that with us every day. That weight is on our shoulders every day. Quite frankly, we are carrying the weight of not just ourselves but everybody who looks like us.  Many times, a white person we are interacting with may not be interacting with that many black people and so the interaction they have with me could be what either confirms their stereotype or bias or hopefully could be what educates them that they are missing something.  Quite often when a black person tries to share their life experiences, very often, a white person will try to dismiss that in some way and explain it away in some fashion that it seems the issue must be my issue or not the organization’s issue, or society’s issue or the police department’s issue.

Do you think this moment of recognition by the U.S. is going to stick or be another passing chapter in race relations? America, as a society, tends to have a very short memory when it comes to these sorts of things. Only time will tell whether lasting changes will result this time. Our faith, our ability to continue to exist tell me I have to have hope, but my experience in life makes it really hard to be hopeful. There are some things in the protests that make it feel different.  The makeup of protests are quite diverse.  Part of what’s required for systemic change, is for America to acknowledge the fact that while America may be a great country, it’s not a perfect country. You now have white folks saying “I haven’t experienced it, I don’t understand it, but if you’re experiencing it, it’s wrong. And I want to stand with you and say it’s wrong.”  For our country to be who we say we are, that requires you to be able to say when you are coming up short… The hope if there is one in this situation is that the outrage is more widespread.  It’s not just with people who look like me.

Do you feel we are making progress in the U.S. on these issues compared to your parents’ generation? My parents are both near 90, and so they grew up where the Jim Crow South was in full flourish in Georgia, so they had legally separate systems of schools and hospitals, etc. As children, society told them from the start that they were inferior and they had no reason to expect it would ever be any different for them.  As they watched the civil rights movement, they maybe had some hope that their children might have opportunities that they never had.  As you move into my generation, we were more transitional, carrying hopes that things would be different for us.  For today’s generation, we may be doing something even more cruel to them, in that society tells us that everyone is equal and that we all have an equal shot at success or failure, but it’s just not true. The opportunities are in no way equal or the same.  

Is there any action you would like to see the federal government action take? That’s such a large question.  Close your eyes and throw the dart and wherever it lands there is probably work to be done whether in housing, in education, policing, mortgages, sentencing guidelines or jobs.  There’s almost too many things to list.  Whether purposely or not, the system has built in or allowed to happen these things that discriminate or create issues for black people.  Many white people who decide there’s work to be done will say “what three things do I need to do,” because they see the issue as a small, singular “how do I make you feel better” issue, versus than asking the question, “when I look at all the different tenants of my society, where does this show up?”  The reality is that in nearly every slice of what creates our country, almost every system can and should be fixed.

Is there a charity your recommend that you feel addresses these issues well?  

Yes, the Urban League of Greater Atlanta has had a 100 year history invested in the social and economic success of African-Americans.  The President and CEO, Nancy Flake Johnson, is a great thought leader on these issues.  See https://ulgatl.org for more information.

What should white people stop doing? Don’t try to explain away bad behavior if it’s perpetrated by someone that looks like you.  Don’t talk about the fact that he’s a really good guy.  Or she never would have done that. Call it what it is. 

Don’t say you understand,  because 99 percent of the time you don’t.  You haven’t lived it.  The true definition of empathy is not that I know what you’ve been through, but that I feel your pain and want to help you as you go through it.  

For those of us who do want the simplicity of instructions on how to help, what do you recommend?

• Listen, listen and listen some more.  Seek to understand what this person is sharing with you.  Try to see that what we saw in the streets, is more about pain ad fear rather than anger. The real issue is that people are scared. 
• Get educated, read stories, books articles.  And do it for understanding.  Try to get all of the data, both yours and mine.  
• Advocate for change and call out active racism when you see it.  Advocate with your family, neighbors and your elected officials.

If I had a magic wand and I could waive it, what I would want for white folks to do is to really take the rights in the constitution to heart and the words that say this is supposed to be for everybody.  And fight for the fact, while I may not understand or even agree with you, I will fight for you to have the right to have that opinion or feel that way… It’s not so much whether you would be willing to fight to protect your rights, but are you willing to fight to protect my rights? I’m wiling to put all my livelihood, my check, my job, my home at risk because it’s not right.  If you are unable to say it is more important to you to fight to protect my rights, you are living off privilege that someone else got for you and you are living off that benefit without saying I want this to be the reality for everybody.